How to become a danfo driver in Lagos

Danfo. Source:

Danfo Bus

In the city of Lagos, you can’t help but notice the men that drive the yellow and black buses. As we all know, they are the famous “Danfo Drivers”.. Here’s a quick guide on how to become one of them.. for those of us considering a career switch :D. First things first, you need a bus.. and then..

  1. As a source of instant energy in the morning before commencement of work, deem it fit to gulp either ogogoro, paraga, shepe, monkey-tail from the local Iya Taiye down the street. You can actually mix all of them together. Don’t worry.. it is safe.
  2. When on the highway and the road is obviously free, make sure you remember to sync your Horn sound with the beats of the Fuji music coming from your stereo. Never mind the other road users that you are disturbing
  3. Do not have Change! Never! Regardless of where you are going or how much you have made that day, always tell your passengers that you do not have change. Have a particular dislike for holders of 500 and 1000 naira. Do not allow them board your bus
  4. When you have the urge to answer Nature’s call, just get down from your bus (regardless of where you are) and piss right on your bus.
  5. and when your bus breaks down, you do not need people to push it for you, just get a fellow danfo driver to push your bus to the nearest busstop by hitting your bus continuously from the back with his
  6. Know that the seat belt is not for your protection, it is for LASTMA people to see that you have it when you are close to them. So in one sentence, only wear seat belt when you spot a LASTMA official
  7. Every other person’s private car should be called “My Car”
  8. Whenever there is traffic jam (“hold up”) on your lane, feel free to use the opposite lane.. Unless there is a road divider. And if the road divider is less than 8-inches tall, feel free to climb over it to get to the opposite lane.
  9. Know that the traffic lights mean different things for Yellow Buses. Green means Go very fast, Yellow means look if there is another car coming before you go very fast, and Red means look for any sight of LASTMA, if none, go very very fast
  10. and lastly, which is very important, know how to curse other peoples mother. Regardless of how old they are, if the mother is dead or alive, if he/she is wrong or right, always curse their mother when they piss you off. Keep in mind phrases like “Ko ni da fun iya e” amongst others

Feel free to add tips for prospective Danfo Drivers!

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